“While I was singing you silenced me: Asked me to tell you the truth”

This year, I decided to not do the whole resolution thing. Instead, I’m going to keep on keeping on. (You know, learning French, knitting, half-marathons, glutting myself of live and classical music: the usual).

I’m finally back in the water (I got my AIDA 2* in December with no training beforehand – the only thing stopping a 3* is CWT, but who knows what I could do with some proper training?) I got in a pool for fitness with the Seals yesterday, and while I can keep up in the gym… let’s just say it’s good to be back in the water, but I have a long way to go. Still, I’m being conscious to not try do everything at once – I’m actually healthy now… there needs to be some balance in what I do. (hahaha). I also plan to read more (I gave myself a migraine from overdoing it during the holiday – I regret nothing), blog more, see friends I’ve neglected, and be more mindful.

It’s with morbid curiosity that I wonder if I’ll put myself in hospital this year. Will I manage contract another life-threatening illness, or am I off the hook this time (4 years since the dengue, 2 since pneumonia)? I’m hoping the commentators curse means I’ve nixed it now. I should have, I’ve been pretty disciplined in trying to address all the things.

2016 was a year of learning. I learnt hard lessons, and I learnt to let go. I learnt that it’s okay to feel, but not to let that consume me. I learnt to rebuild walls, keep my mouth shut, and that when people say that they value your honesty – they really don’t. I learnt that people will lie to your face and betray you. I learnt that you can’t trust anybody, even those you thought you would trust with your life. I learnt that I have value. I also learnt that I’m an analytical and logical being by default. (It surprised me somewhat, seeing as I’m so ruled by my emotions).  I learnt that I need to be careful with who I give my time and energy to, because I’m tired of being taken for granted and used. I learnt that standing up for others puts you in the line of fire. I learnt that my need for justice and what’s right can also be a fatal flaw.

I also learnt that people can surprise you. And that those who I do call my friends constantly amaze me with patience, good humour and wit. I realised that I have a few tribes of glorious people who keep me from anger and despair. And these people blow me away. How the hell did I find them, and what did I do to deserve them? All I can say to each and every one of them is Thank You. Thank you for sticking with me. Here’s to many adventures we may have to come, and to shared memories and laughter of adventures past.

I hope that the lessons I learnt in 2016 will make my 2017 better.

My totem animal for the year is going to be the cephalopod: intelligent, agile, resilient, adaptable, courageous. Luckily, I have one to keep me company now, and remind me of those qualities when the going gets tough.


Until next I write, keep safe and be well.