My life is packed in boxes, as I count down the hours to move into a space of my own on Saturday morning. I went and dropped some more stuff at what will be my new abode after work, and while it still looks like something out of Changing Rooms (sans Laurence’s kitsch touches), every time I duck in and visit, I get a little lighter and happier. This is going to be a good space. A creative space. A sanctuary. A place that I can relax in, but is also big enough for me to have friends around for dinner, and be social. I haven’t really had that yet, and I’m looking forward to the possibilities of having a place to entertain in.
Having more than a shoebox in which to exist, with clearly defined living areas, my thoughts have been drifting to cuddling up on a beanbag under the pi blanket I’m going to knit in the baby alpaca yarn I’ve been saving for a clapotis for the past 5 years. It’s going to be light as a feather and very warm, I’m looking forward to knitting it, and to using it.
Despite the chaos and uncertainty that the next few months are going to bring career-wise, etc, I’ve just had to sit back and marvel at how amazingly lucky I am to have the friends I do. I still don’t know what I did to deserve some of them, but it must have been something good. 30 has been great to me so far. And for everything else, I’m just going to see where the wind blows me through all these unknowns. I have an anchor now, so I’m not afraid of being blown about. It’s an adventure this time. Like my tattoo tells me: there are no endings, only more beginnings. I’ve absolutely loved my time with my library, but the contract is coming to an end – and the horrors of trying to navigate the job market at the moment are just soul-crushing. I’ve had some real disappointments, but it can only be because there is something out there for me – I just haven’t found it yet. Or, it hasn’t found me.
And yes, I do actually believe that. And while I look, and ask, and apply, and wait, I have other things to dream about instead.
I am plotting and planning what I do want to do, and who I want to see, and when, if possible, I am able to do it next year. There are some non-negotiables, and some real wishlist bits and bobs. More on that later. For now, I’m just contemplating boxes, bookshelves, and knitting. Oh, and test cricket.
So time to sleep, perchance to dream, (Shakespeare has been seeping through the cracks at the moment, don’t ask me why). And I’ll see you again in my new place.